Who Pays For What? In a Wedding.

Today, the modern wedding has changed some cultural expectations for who is "sponsoring the event." Whereas in times before the bride's family could be largely counted on to foot the bill, today couples often contribute the majority of the expenses themselves unless their parents offer to contribute. Even still, parents giving a lump sum donation is more the norm versus dictating how the funds should be spent. 

A look back at the traditional breakdown. 

Traditional Breakdown of Wedding Expenses

1. Bride’s Family used to be expected to pay for:

• Wedding Venue & Ceremony Costs: Venue rental, floral arrangements, decorations, and any setup or cleanup fees.
• Reception: Food, drink, cake, entertainment, rentals (tables, chairs, linens), and any necessary permits or service fees.
• Bride’s Attire: Wedding dress, veil, and accessories.
• Photography & Videography: Photographers, videographers, and their assistants.
• Invitations & Stationery: Invitations, save-the-dates, programs, and thank-you notes.
• Flowers: flower arrangements for the ceremony and reception.

2. Groom’s Family used to be expected to pays for:

• Rehearsal Dinner: Food, drinks, and decor for the rehearsal dinner, typically held the night before the wedding.
• Groom's Attire: Groom’s suit or tuxedo.
• Flowers: Bridal bouquet and family corsages and boutonnieres
• Honeymoon: Above and beyond the groom's side could continue to the honeymoon should they have more money to offer. 

3. The Couple Pays For:

• Engagement Party & Rings: Often the couple buys each other’s wedding bands and splits the engagement party expenses if hosting.
• Gifts for Each Other and Wedding Party: Including bridesmaids, groomsmen, and family members.
• Personal Attire & Grooming: Bride’s beauty treatments and pre-wedding prep, groom’s grooming, any special accessories.
• Additional Décor or Entertainment Costs: If they choose special lighting, a live band, or other upgrades, this is often covered by the couple.

Today's Custom

Many couples today handle the wedding budget themselves or split costs evenly across families, especially if the couple is older or has been living together for some time. This can feel like an unfair burden on couples who in the past would have received more funding for their wedding. It's important to remember that other customs and traditions even have their guests contribute to the cost. I'm thinking of traditional Korean weddings where each guest pays a cost that covers their meal for the wedding. These weddings are far less customized and instead happen at restaurants that double as venues where all the vendors are included. Other traditions give back generously to the couple in the form of money dances or gifts and cards collected during the reception. This has become modernized to be a gift registry. So even if you are "fronting" the bill for your wedding and/or honeymoon, sometimes the generosity of your guests can leave couples with money received in gifts after the event. 

What if we don't have any money for a wedding?

It can be tough on couples today who are not receiving help financially from their families. If you are close with your family and just aren't sure if they can contribute or if they want to contribute, sometimes being direct is the best way to get the answers you need to proceed. If it's clear you the couple will be receiving no help at all from your family, consider lower budget venues like community centers, grange halls, elk lodges, and local clubs. Often these facilities have a nominal cost and come with rentals. Plus they are often outfitted with commercial kitchens. Often churches can be an inexpensive way to go for the ceremony itself, or a scenic overlook, State or National Park. For food, you can always ask your guests to help by potlucking, or organizing the food through a group of generous helpers. Where there is a will, there is a way. Don't let finances dictate whether or not you can start your lives together as a couple.